The Three-Legged Stool
Imagine a three-legged stool.
Each leg represents a different way we experience any given moment in our lives.
1. Intellectual Experience
This is how we use our minds to make sense of what’s happening. We analyze, explain, and try to understand—often by tapping into the brain’s prefrontal cortex. We ask ourselves questions like:
Why did this happen?
What does it mean?
How will this affect the future?
This leg is all about thinking, reasoning, and problem-solving.
2. Emotional Experience
This is how we connect with our feelings in a moment. It’s about noticing and honoring the emotions that arise—whether it’s sadness, peace? anger, comfort? fear, or joy.
You might cry and cling to a pillow in grief.
You may feel a surge of energy and heat during anger.
Maybe you shrink inward with fear.
This leg asks us to pause and feel—without rushing to fix or explain.
3. Somatic (Physical) Experience
This is what’s happening in our bodies. "Soma" means "of the body," and this leg is about tuning into physical sensations like:
Tightness
Ease
Tingling
Slowness
Numbness
It's about paying attention to what your body is telling you.
Why does this matter?
Because when we’re feeling wobbly or off-balance, it’s often because we’re relying too much on just one or two legs of the stool—rather than grounding ourselves in all three.
A Real-Life Example:
Let’s say I had an argument with my partner earlier today. Now I’m at work, sitting at my desk, replaying the conversation in my head:
Why did he say that?
How does he not see my point?
He’s just projecting!
I'm stuck in the Intellectual experience—trying to make sense of it all. But that’s only one part of the picture.
So I pause and ask:
Have I checked in with how I feel emotionally?
Have I allowed myself to just feel the sadness, anger, or fear?
Have I noticed what’s happening in my body? Is my chest tight? My stomach knotted?
The takeaway
Many of us default to thinking our way through problems. And sometimes, that’s necessary! But thinking alone can leave us stuck in loops—anxious, frustrated, or disconnected.
When you’re feeling off-center, ask yourself:
Am I leaning too much on one leg of the stool?
What might shift if I gave more attention to the emotional or physical part of this experience?
When all three legs of the stool are grounded, we feel more balanced, present, and resilient. Of course, that’s easier said than done. In my work with clients, we gently explore where there might be imbalances and get curious about what makes it difficult to lean into the other legs of the stool. This process looks different for everyone. For those who’ve experienced trauma—especially trauma stored in the body—reconnecting with the somatic experience can be both slow and deeply empowering. Over time, clients begin to access their own unique ways of experiencing the world and uncover inner resources they may not have known were there.
In Part 2 of this series we will dig deeper into what it looks like when we over-rely or under-rely on any of the stool legs.
