FOMO
Why are we afraid of missing out on things?
I’ve often heard my clients describe a particular anxiety known as FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out). Defined as “the fear of not being included in something interesting or enjoyable that others are experiencing,” FOMO has been added to dictionaries and blamed for a lot of heartache in our overconnected, social-media-addled world.
But is it really new? Modern technology and social media may magnify it, but I think FOMO is just a new(ish) name for something very old: anxiety over belonging.
The deepest emotional need of every human being is to belong– to be accepted and valued by other people. But sadly, our society treats belonging as a scarce resource we have to compete for. We categorize people: some are winners, who belong effortlessly. The rest are losers, who have to fight over the scraps.
Once we start thinking this way, we stop listening to our internal guidance, the wisdom in all of us that tells us: be yourself, do what makes you happy, spend time with people who make you feel welcome. That guidance gets replaced with a new commandment: DON’T BE A LOSER! Suddenly it doesn’t matter how our friends and experiences make us feel, it matters what they indicate about us. Are we up with the winners? Or down with the losers? Winners’ lives are full of excitement, passion, and beauty; losers have FOMO.
The sad irony is that, by listening to FOMO, we miss out on a lot more. We lose touch with our internal guidance, and we lose the capacity to truly appreciate what we have and do.
How do you get out of this trap? How do you silence the voice of FOMO, so you can hear your true self speak? Here’s what I’d advise:
Accept FOMO: Acknowledge that the fear of missing out is natural and universal. Everyone wants to belong, everyone fears being left out, and everyone is unsure sometimes whether they do belong. Anyone who claims otherwise is selling something.
Find out what you really value: Ask yourself, if I knew I’d be accepted and valued no matter what, what would I want to do with my time? Or, what would I really love to do, even if I couldn’t tell anyone about it?
Discover your power: FOMO thrives on the assumption that real life is something other people are already doing, and once in a while they think to include us (if we’re lucky). But real life can just as easily be something you create, and include others in. Yes, you! Invite a coworker to get lunch, host a monthly game night, start a knitting group, whatever. The more belonging you create, the more will be available to you in return.
Practice gratitude: Consciously challenge the scarcity mindset underlying FOMO, by appreciating what you already have and do. If you open yourself to it, ordinary life is already full of excitement, passion, and beauty. Don’t miss out on that!
