Adjusting Your Volume Dials, Part 1
As any of my clients will tell you, I LOVE a good analogy. (Or a bad one, for that matter.) One analogy that I come back to time and again is the visual of having two volume dials: one for External Information (what others are saying, wanting, requesting, or even what we think they are thinking) and one for Internal Information (what you are wanting, needing, desiring, dreaming of).
Many of us are taught that selflessness is the ideal. We learn to have the External Volume Dial turned way up, and the Internal Volume Dial turned to very quiet. Or even muted. Here’s the message we learn: figure out what others are wanting from you and prioritize those needs. Don’t be selfish. Some of us get really, really good at this. We can walk into a room and immediately read the moods of those around us… and we have learned how to adjust ourselves accordingly.
Here’s an example of what that might look like:
I step into a meeting with my boss because I need guidance for an important project. I can immediately tell that he is grumpy and seems distracted. Instead of asking for help I try to find ways to cheer him up, try not to be a burden to him. I suggest we wrap up early so he can focus on other things because maybe he’s overwhelmed!
Now, let me say that there is nothing wrong with caring about other people and offering compassion. But when we drown out the sounds of our own needs (Internal) with the sounds of others (External), we miss out on so so much. Because then we find ourselves feeling lonely, resentful, overwhelmed, chronically ill, and unfulfilled.
So how, you might ask, do we turn up the Internal Volume Dial without disappointing others?
You can’t.
In order to listen to ourselves, to meet our own needs, to tend to ourselves with care and compassion, we must find okayness with disappointing others. I know, I know! Ugh! That sounds so uncomfortable. It is! But here is what I know to be true: the more we practice it, the easier and less uncomfortable it becomes. And the more we turn up the volume for that wise voice inside, the more we access balance and wholeness. Doesn’t that sound just wonderful?
Of course, as with most things, this can go the opposite for people; they learn to tune out the needs and wants and emotions of others as a way to feel safe.
Check in for next week’s Part 2 to learn more.
